2021 recap

Hello hello, it's me again reporting for the annual blog writeup lol. Apologies for putting this up late, I didn't even realise I had this responsibility until one of my friend reminded me. Thank you for looking forward to my write up, it makes me want to do more 😊

So my mum decided to come at us with a big big news few days after new year. She got transferred to a school in klang. Of course all of us were so happy but since it happened in a very short notice, my mum had to go first leaving us all at jb for sometime. Of course to shift and start a new life in a new state is not easy. Moreover leaving behind a place that was 'home' for so many years is definitely not easy. Fun fact; both my parents are from klang, selangor and they moved to johor only after they got married, so practically they are just returning back to where they belong but for us kids that is where we grew up. After my mum left, I was basically the older sibling to watch over my other sisters and also the household. 

My mum leaving us behind has definitely taken a toll on me. For a person who is very attached to my mother, I had a hard time. The fact that I was home and my mum wasn't is something that I really couldn't take it although it's for the better. That was also a time where I realised how much things my mum had to put up with all these while. Everyday I had to juggle with so many things. I was super drained, sometimes frustrated and annoyed most of the time. It felt as if I had so much of work to do and I didn't had time at all. Those were the days where I was at my lowest but no one knew. I never open up to anyone. I suffer my bad days all by myself. Though I know I needed to talk and open up but I would never do that. Throughout these years I've always been the person that helps the tiny circle around me and refuse to practice the same for me because I'm used in handling things by my own even if things get real tough. I just hate the fact when others see me as a sad/weak person. I'm tired of  listening to people saying I cry for little things, I'm emotional and everything else that comes under it. I guess it's just my way of dealing things. During that time super singer and cook with comali was a literal coping mechanism. That is the only thing that I look forward to every single weekend and when I am done watching those programs, I will get impatient that I have to wait for another whole week to watch em back again. It might seem so small but it somehow pulled me through the situation. 

Early april, we moved to Klang. I was so glad that my mother was finally together with her mother and all her brothers after staying away for all these years. She is finally back at where she belonged. As far as I remember going back to klang has always been like a holiday for me. When I was schooling, we would spend our school holidays there so it feels weird that I am calling that place as my home now. New place and new neighbourhood. At first we had troubles here and there but we figured it out pretty quickly and got used to the place and the routine. I started going for walks and jogs much more frequently as there was a field very near to my place. I slowly started going places alone and figured things out. 

cute cute neighbourhood kids 

It would be a lie if I say I don't miss jb. For me Johor was a land of knowledge. I completed my schooling days there, went for tuition, took up dance class, learned martial arts and went for driving lessons. So I will forever be grateful to that place. Also I had to leave behind my bestfriend whom I have known since I was 7 😭 To have 'selangor' in my ic still feels weird but I'll get used to it. 

Things were really hectic during that period of time. I still wont forget the days I got slammed by my lecturers, teammates who don't contribute stuffs and all the painful watery eye days. As I end that semester things just got so hard (I mean what's new ) It was just too many things that had to put up with which was emotionally exhausting for me. I got irritated very quickly and snap over everything. I isolated myself and didn't talk to anyone. I can go for days and even weeks not talking to anyone and come back again once I'm ok. I was constantly tired. It's the type of tired that no amount of sleep can cure. But I managed to overcome it, like I said it's just a phase for me. I am obliged knowing the fact that there are people who are able to understand what I go through without even me having to say it out. To say I'm blessed is an understatement. You've never actually allowed me to thank you for all the little things that you've done along the way 🤗 I'm truly indebted for all the kind words, for always making me feel better. A big thanks to all my friends who have helped me with my assignments, help me to fill up numerous forms, sharing information around and joining all the programs that I am associated with. It really means so much to me. 

So during that semester break I did not only one but 2 new things. I have developed a new habit of reading Bhagavad Gita and oh my god that was one of the BEST things that I could have probably done for myself. It has changed the way I perceive things, it has change the way I react to a situation and how I deal with it (still working on it tho). I have trouble concentrating and I get distracted very easily so to have read something and to come this far is something that I am proud of. I am yet to complete that book but I definitely will and would read it all over again🙌 I have always been a journal person, I love writing and because of that collecting pretty books has become a habit now. In recent times I practiced writing gratitude journals. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I write it down in my journal. I never realised how important it was until I've had breakdowns and that was the first thing I looked for. That was a reminder for me to keep going and also to reminisce all the great times I've had. There's truly so much more in life to be grateful for 🤍 I am also loving scented candles in recent times.

So since it was a 3 months break, I really wanted to do something productive and to not just stay idle at home. That is when I started teaching tuition for kids. It was an opportunity that came by my way, I did not plan it nor was persistent to do it. I never once thought that I would actually enjoy teaching and that was the reason why I did not apply any teaching related course for my bachelors. To my surprise I did liked it. Since it was all online, I didn't get to meet my students but I had a good time. I thoroughly enjoyed the process of prepping material and teaching them. The satisfaction that I get when my students understood what I have taught is indescribable. To hear 'I want you to teach me teacher' and 'you are my favourite teacher' truly melts my heart 😩 I did not continue teaching after the semester has started but hands down I would definitely do it again if I have the opportunity.

A little later I turned 22 and that was the best birthday I have ever had !! I had my friends over at my place. I always have this thing where I used to think I am unfortunate like that because I've never gotten the opportunity to celebrate birthdays with my friends. The universe heard me, my blessings came all the way just to see me on my birthday. All the people that used to call and wish me were all seated in my couch, at my house ❤❤ It felt surreal, I craiii. For the first time in a long time, I felt like myself on my birthday. Meeting your loved ones after a very long time just feels so good. 

Deepavali came right after that and things were just so unusual for me. New place really does make it different. New group of people to celebrate with and new routines. That is when I knew that you can change your place meet new people and still have the same old problem, you can do everything right but still feel out of place. On a brighter note, I am thankful that I got to celebrate it with my cousins and my grandmother after a really long time. 

The new semester started and I decided to go back to tanjung malim and stay in my rental house together with my other friends. I figured out that it would be the best thing to do as we were paying the utility bills for a very long time although we have not move in yet. I also really wanted to make it happen as I would have an opportunity to be with my friends again. Not gonna lie but I was genuinely really happy after I went to tanjung malim. I absolutely enjoyed the time there. Going to pasar malam,  burger takeaway for supper, crashing into strangers wedding, collecting dominos coupon, playing cards, discovering mcd, jutaria nights, totally banning certain shops for their ridiculous price, cooking together, bed time stories, getting obsessed with curry mee and everything else in between 😚I love the fact that I get to meet my favourite people much more often.

My friends and I went on a very quick staycation at Kl this year. We didn't want to break the chain as we made it to a point to travel somewhere together each year. Since the covid cases got hiked up mid this year and everyone were busy with their classes, we only manage to go towards the end of the year. Eventhough it was just a day, I had fun. As tiring as it may be, it's the lighthearted chatters that makes me happy. 

I also got the opportunity to celebrate christmas for the first time yeayy. Totally unplanned but I had a really good time with my friend and his family 🤗Thank you for having me, for being ever so welcoming. That was also my very first trip to Ipoh and just like that this year ended.

I have no idea what’s in store for me for the upcoming years but I guess the only resolution that I’m gonna make is to be genuinely happy for the rest of the days. One thing that I am proud of is that no matter how down I was, I managed to pick myself up and be normal when things were actually collapsing ✊ I miserably failed keeping up to the resolution that I set this year but I have faith that I will complete it by 2022. 

This year I began to accept things as it is. I've stopped grumbling about things and I have come to terms that the walls that I build around myself just gets higher and higher. I am very much conscious about the things I say cause I know how hurt I would get if I hear things that are not favourable. I used to be the person who wears my heart on my sleeve but I’m no longer that person anymore. Some make us cry for the things that we haven't done while others ignore our flaws just so they can see us happy. It's really a weird mixture but hey that's how life works. I've learned to hold on and let go when needed. Because I know at the end of the day my intentions are pure and that is the only thing that matters. Whether or not a person has wished me bad, I still wish the best for them. Ditching bad habits and switching over to healthier ones wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I am now constantly reminding myself on how rich of a person I am. Not financially but materialistically. I am rich by all the love that people have been splurging me with. Here's to the one's who have been and are still sticking by my side. The one's who drop everything to help, the one's who stay up to have conversations. I just wanna hug y'all and never let go ❤ With that being said, have a wonderful year ahead and I will see you next year !!