2020 🦠

You know, I know, we all know what 2020 had for us lol. Somehow it felt like it went by so fast yet so slow at the same time. Nevertheless this me trying to make it up for it in this blog. To begin with, I know there isn't much for me to write content wise but I just don't want to break the streak by not writing anything at all. There are just 2 things that made this year 'great' for me. Just 2 and the rest of the year is CANCELLED. 

So beginning of January was basically continuation of my exam. I still remember my last paper was on the 4th and I came back on the 7th. My grandmother's 2nd years prayers took place somewhere in that holidays. I was basically home most of the time (like always). The most greatest thing that I experienced this year is Sid Sriram's concert. If you know me then you know how big of a fan I am of sid 😍 I have never fangirl over someone this much honestly. If it is sid's song then I can sing and remember songs of languages that I don't even know. Let it be tamil, telugu or malayalam, I can remember the lyrics word by word. That is how much I LOVE him and being able to attend his concert was definitely a dream come true to me 😭

look at how close I was standing that day😩

I am so so grateful that I made my mind to go because the only thought I was having is that Penang is quite far and Sid sriram's concert will take place every year so I can go some other time. Looking back I don't even know if concert's are allowed to take place after this. Only if the situation gets better. The concert took place in Penang so I went to prasannaa's place beforhand and beyond my surprise almost all from our geng came by which turned into a mini vacation hahahah. Prasannaa brought us around penang. We went to few really nice place and I went all out in whacking the food. Everything was so sedapp 😋 Overall it was a great trip 

Went back to upsi in february after my semester break. This time around 3 more of my friends join onboard for their degree in upsi. The more the merrier lol. I'm just soo happy that things are slowly turning like how it was during our diploma times. Except we are all staying in different block. Just when I thought everything was going well, corona said hi 😒 I remember studying at upsi only for 3 weeks and we were all introduced to the odl. The first few months was literally zero studies. No one had any idea on how long it was gonna last and what not. The first few weeks I did nothing. As days passed I started cooking and baking more often. I started being a little more productive. 

Classes resumed only after Hari Raya so I had all the time I wanted to do things that I couldn't do once. I must say online classes are such a pain in the ass. I'm very sure many of you can relate to me. I hated doing group works because it's just so so difficult to communicate with your friends. Another thing of studying from home is that you're never a full time student here at home especially when you have lot of family members. I can't sleep and wake up as I please. No matter how much I explain my schedule, my assignment details to my parents they just cant seem to understand it 😔 gotta get done with the chores, gotta run errands. I understand that even back in uni we weren't studying and attending class 24/7 but it's just something that as if a responsibility that comes along with it. Being on your own doing and doing it for the whole family is just so different. I am person who have a very sensitive eyes so I had lots of problem when the online classes started. I experienced very painful and watery eyes for the first few weeks (I still am it's just that I'm used to it already). 

 Despite studying at the comfort of home there's always something about being with friends and  the campus life. The sense of  'you're not alone, we're together with you' goes a very long way 😔. However there were certain things that I was able to do throughout this whole online learning. I became mindful on what I was having for my meals. I started taking vegetables and fruits everyday. I experimented in doing different kinds of smoothies that I replaced my meal with. I tried doing workouts and I make it to a point to do it at least once a week. The goal for me was not to push through my limits but just to be consistent. I get to meet tharani much more often. We had the opportunity to go out and spend time which I couldn’t do before as she's studying in India. We even happen to bump into each other in public places. It definitely reminded me of the schooling time 

My 2nd semester came to an end by august. Remember how I told there's another great thing that happened this year.  My friends and I went on a trip to Port Dickson on September. I had the best 3 days and that trip was just something that we needed so badly after the semester has come to an end. I've said this in the previous blog and I'm saying this again. Wherever we go we own that place, LEGIT. The first day we stayed at miruna's place and then in a homestay in pd. Everything about that trip was so so good. They stay, the places we went, the hike, banana boat, the biriyani, the games we played, roasting about each other, the conversations we had with each other till 5 in the morning. I can easily say that I laughed more in that 3 days than I did the entire year 🙆💕 Kaysha if you're reading this I miss you so much. The last time I met you was during the trip that I made to tanjung malim in july to clear my room. 

  

also I tried vlogging for the first time and I guess it turned out pretty well for a first timer. Here's the link to the video;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeHEuFSzMDY

I can't do goodbyes for good so the departing phase was so painful for me. The sad part of all is that all of us were so sure that we were going to meet each other the month after because we are allowed to go back to uni already but I was wrong 🤧 I packed all my stuffs and this time around even more things because we were about rent a house outside the campus. Just about a day before leaving. The covid cases got high again and they announced that we have to continue another semester at home. There we go back to square one. This time around I felt the subjects were too heavy to be studying through online. End of October I turned 21 and I was so overwhelmed by the calls and wishes that I received throughout. It has been 4 years since I left house for uni and funny how every year my birthday falls either during semester break or mid-sem break and even then my friends will poslaju my gift or give it to me after we go back to uni after holidays. I swear to god people giving me things makes me feel so bad even though they do it whole heartedly. I just want to say that I appreciate your presence in my life ❤️️ Thank you for the birthday video, I am so touched by your kind gestures. Thank you for taking time to collect it all. I never once thought I'd receive a birthday video 🥰 I still watch it whenever I miss you guys. I had friends over for my birthday  I still don't know what to do when people sing happy birthday to me lol. 

There were many things that I wanted to accomplish by the age of 21 and safe to say that I've done most of it. I've donated blood, I donated my hair this year, I've been to a concert, I overcome my biggest fear. Although there are still more things that I wanted to do, I'm glad that I was able to do those things mentioned earlier. The rest of the year was just continuation of the online classes. I chose to do my work after everyone else has gone to bed. If you know me then you know I rarely drink coffee and tea but eversince the online classes started I've been taking coffee quite a bit because I have to stay awake in order to complete my assignments. Juggling between back to back classes, assignments, presentation, discussions and meetings. I don't think I could have done it without the help of caffeine. To find a person to whom you can vent is a blessing, I swear. Harpreet was literally my confidant when it comes to sharing stuffs about class and lessons because we went through the same thing and we both could relate to so many similar things. Thank you for being a great emotional support 🌚

I secretly broke down so many times and that is the reason why I wanted to do it at that hour. I was so afraid thinking if I am ever gonna make it through. For the longest time I surround myself in a brick of wall and I have never come out of it. Things get really tough at some point, but I know I should keep going and to not let that thoughts distract me. 

This year I learned to be thankful for every passing minute in a situation where nothing is promised 🙇‍♀️ I used to take so many things for granted. Little things like talking to my friends at the cafe or just simply taking trips to pasar malam. Those little things are the ones that I miss and crave the most now. I'm tearing as I'm writing this down because that is how much I have grown attached to my friends. It is all now replaced with playing ludo online and late night video calls. I'm no longer setting unrealistic goals or resolution like how I did before. I just want to live in the present. I also learned a new word called 'gastlighting' which means people just trying to manipulate things they do and just turn to your side in an argument so that they don't have to be accountable for the wrongdoings that they did and instead blame others to make themselves feel good. I swear to god it changed my whole perspective in looking at things and situations. I'm no longer gonna dwell on things that used to bother me so much.  I left people behind not because I don't like them anymore but just because I cared about other people's feelings more than mine and that I always wish the best for people I like. I'm truly grateful that god made me as a very forgiving person. Regardless of how people pushed me through my limits, I always find way to forgive them. I don't know if it is a blessing or curse but it takes lot of courage to be able to do that. The whole distance has given me so much clarity on people's true intention on me.

It is hard telling off your friends and even family members but you gotta do what has to be done. It’s just so sad how so many people still don’t have exposure and acceptance about the notion of feelings in general. It's so difficult when people think you're trying to start an argument when all you do is just express how you feel. I felt as if I lost my freedom of speech at so many parts this year with so many people. As an empath, I learned that establishing emotional boundaries is something I had to do for myself and I've understood the importance of it. I pray that all my suffering leads me in becoming a wiser person. I'm truly thankful that I survived the bare minimum situation 😌

I know this year has been awful to many of us some of us. We aren't able to do things and responsibilities  that we are supposed to do. Many of us lost our family members. It's been a tough year for everyone in the world, cut people some slack. As of for me the starting of the year was not really good but I'm ending it with a very good piece of news which I believe is gonna bring much more happiness to my family. After all this too shall pass 🌈 so keep going. Let's just hope that 2021 is going to be great.