Me just being me by trying so hard to make it up the annual blog write-up. 2019, what a hell of a year it has been. More than regretting the year was going to come to an end, I was actually praying so hard for this year to come to an end. The starting of this year was mainly the final phase of my diploma. All those mixed emotions coming up. Constantly having the thought that it is finally coming to an end and also the feel of missing so many things after that. Beginning of the year, I went on a trip to melaka with my friends. I had a great 3 days with them. To be very honest a little piece of me is still in melaka, in that homestay.
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| Jonker Street, Melaka. |
Went back home for the break and had anne over at my place for the first time. We went to places and had fun. It was so good having him home. We can talk abt anything without fearing that anyone would listen lol 🙊 I just didn't want the time to move fast.
Met the best friend of mine for the last time before she flew to india for her higher studies. Tharani if you're reading this now, just want you to know that I am so proud of you and so thankful for having you 🌻May you reach greater height in life hence after.
February was sucha hectic month from completing all the projects and assignments to finding a placement to do my internship and trying to insert in as many outings that we possibly could before it comes to an end.
Things went haywire when I was looking for a placement for my internship. Because of all the places I applied none of the organization actually got back to me until I had to reapply it back. One of the company got back to me. Little I did know, I was going to suffer. A lil tip, I know it' s always got to broaden up your experience by working in big organizations but always remember the workload that comes after it. Always ask yourself if you can cope or not. All I ever focusing on was is to complete everything and to end it as soon as possible. I went hiking with the gang (hopefully that is not the last one). I also got the opportunity to attend 2 of my friend's final showcase which was a part of their assignment. Restar and U-tune. In between the end of my semester and also my internship I had like a week so I made use of the time to just unwind and relax before life comes up with a storm for me 😌
My internship was a rollercoaster ride. I did learn a lot but things were just not right since the beginning. No matter how much I tried to fit in I couldn't. Along the lines of me being alone, I faced a lot of mishaps that I wish I never faced at all in the first place. I have also written a separate blog about this. That phase is probably a time frame that I wouldn't want to reflect at all. I knew how it feels like to fear for my life. It was as if I was lost and all alone with no one by my side. The only confidant I had was prayers. I will always remember the pain that I went through, the sleepless night that I endured alone, the void that I had within and the days when I couldn't stop crying.
Since I wasn't taking care of my health I became so much weak. I had somethings serious going on with my body. I was lacking of vitamins and my red blood cell count was very low. My body pressure was low. I had very serious allergy problems which I should have known way earlier. My poor eating habits had made it even worst. Imagine being bombarded in all the directions. During that moment of time I really wanted to work I didn't want to dwell on something for too long. I worked as a service crew. My mum was against me she didn't want me to work there. She was wanting me to get a job that makes use of my diploma. I managed to convince her saying that it was only for a short period of time. The work was really hard but I am very much thankful that my working partners are all so good to me. I was the youngest there and most of them are aunties who want to make extra money to support their family and those people who didn't want to continue their studies. Half of the workers were from foreign country. That is when I learned that education means nothing if you don't have good values within you. Each one of them was so kind and they made my working days a carefree one. Despite coming from various different background we all were still so close to one another. After all, we're human beings first everything else comes after that 💖From putting in extra food in my tupperware and giving way to me in choosing the off-days..mann you guys are the best.
On the other hand, I was actually waiting for my upu results. Most of the courses that I applied required interview first. So when my name wasn't there for the interview process I got panicked. Weeks later they announced the result for september intake. I didn't get any offers from the universities I applied. I was unhappy about it because afterall my pointer was way more sufficient for all those courses. I was crying the whole time even in my working place I couldn't concentrate on anything. I did appeal and during that process, from 12 choices it went down to 4 so whichever uni that I was targeting to get into wasn't there also from my understanding the rayuan intake students will enroll themselves 3 weeks or a month later so I really didn't think of resigning work at the first place. About 2 weeks later I received a call from upsi saying that I would have to attend the interview the next day. I just wanted to try my luck and beyond my surprise I got it. I was having all sorts of thought at the beginning like is this what I really wanted to do and is this the place that I really wanted to continue my degree. Honestly, when I left upsi after my diploma I didn't had a single thought of coming back here again. I really wanted to try some other places which matches my course requirement much better. But looks like god is the best planner. Probably my destiny is here, here in upsi. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. A week after they announced I got my ass back in upsi for the second time.
Everything was the same. I didn't have a homesick feeling at all. I was actually so happy. Half of my geng from diploma got back upsi again and I was so happy about it. Another half will make their way here in february intake (insyallah). At first, I was so reluctant about my course. I was unsure about it after I went through the first 2 weeks of class I got a clear picture already and I was glad that the course that I'm taking now has not much difference from what I wanted to do. In fact, it's the same things that I am going to learn. The same old routine continued me going to class but this time around it was so different as it really was. I had to go places alone all the time, sitting alone in class, going for lunch alone and taking the bus alone. I was so used in being surrounded by people for too long that it took me quite a while to get used to the new routine. The constant feeling of something that is lacking. Even for assignments, we were in the same group so I didn't really mingle much. This degree gave me a good opportunity to become much more independent. Perhaps this is how life works. Yet again no one will come with us till the end even if you think that it is permanent.
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February was sucha hectic month from completing all the projects and assignments to finding a placement to do my internship and trying to insert in as many outings that we possibly could before it comes to an end.
My internship was a rollercoaster ride. I did learn a lot but things were just not right since the beginning. No matter how much I tried to fit in I couldn't. Along the lines of me being alone, I faced a lot of mishaps that I wish I never faced at all in the first place. I have also written a separate blog about this. That phase is probably a time frame that I wouldn't want to reflect at all. I knew how it feels like to fear for my life. It was as if I was lost and all alone with no one by my side. The only confidant I had was prayers. I will always remember the pain that I went through, the sleepless night that I endured alone, the void that I had within and the days when I couldn't stop crying.
Since I wasn't taking care of my health I became so much weak. I had somethings serious going on with my body. I was lacking of vitamins and my red blood cell count was very low. My body pressure was low. I had very serious allergy problems which I should have known way earlier. My poor eating habits had made it even worst. Imagine being bombarded in all the directions. During that moment of time I really wanted to work I didn't want to dwell on something for too long. I worked as a service crew. My mum was against me she didn't want me to work there. She was wanting me to get a job that makes use of my diploma. I managed to convince her saying that it was only for a short period of time. The work was really hard but I am very much thankful that my working partners are all so good to me. I was the youngest there and most of them are aunties who want to make extra money to support their family and those people who didn't want to continue their studies. Half of the workers were from foreign country. That is when I learned that education means nothing if you don't have good values within you. Each one of them was so kind and they made my working days a carefree one. Despite coming from various different background we all were still so close to one another. After all, we're human beings first everything else comes after that 💖From putting in extra food in my tupperware and giving way to me in choosing the off-days..mann you guys are the best.
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| The only picture I could find from my working days |
On the other hand, I was actually waiting for my upu results. Most of the courses that I applied required interview first. So when my name wasn't there for the interview process I got panicked. Weeks later they announced the result for september intake. I didn't get any offers from the universities I applied. I was unhappy about it because afterall my pointer was way more sufficient for all those courses. I was crying the whole time even in my working place I couldn't concentrate on anything. I did appeal and during that process, from 12 choices it went down to 4 so whichever uni that I was targeting to get into wasn't there also from my understanding the rayuan intake students will enroll themselves 3 weeks or a month later so I really didn't think of resigning work at the first place. About 2 weeks later I received a call from upsi saying that I would have to attend the interview the next day. I just wanted to try my luck and beyond my surprise I got it. I was having all sorts of thought at the beginning like is this what I really wanted to do and is this the place that I really wanted to continue my degree. Honestly, when I left upsi after my diploma I didn't had a single thought of coming back here again. I really wanted to try some other places which matches my course requirement much better. But looks like god is the best planner. Probably my destiny is here, here in upsi. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. A week after they announced I got my ass back in upsi for the second time.
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| If you know you know 😂 |
Everything was the same. I didn't have a homesick feeling at all. I was actually so happy. Half of my geng from diploma got back upsi again and I was so happy about it. Another half will make their way here in february intake (insyallah). At first, I was so reluctant about my course. I was unsure about it after I went through the first 2 weeks of class I got a clear picture already and I was glad that the course that I'm taking now has not much difference from what I wanted to do. In fact, it's the same things that I am going to learn. The same old routine continued me going to class but this time around it was so different as it really was. I had to go places alone all the time, sitting alone in class, going for lunch alone and taking the bus alone. I was so used in being surrounded by people for too long that it took me quite a while to get used to the new routine. The constant feeling of something that is lacking. Even for assignments, we were in the same group so I didn't really mingle much. This degree gave me a good opportunity to become much more independent. Perhaps this is how life works. Yet again no one will come with us till the end even if you think that it is permanent.
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| Roommate tercinta 😂 |
Also end of september my sister got graduated from Usm. She had always been a great example for us and I am so proud to call you my sister. I know what all you went through to finally able to wear that robe. First one from my family to get graduated ❤
The only thing that I was excited about and looking forward to this year was my graduation. Although it is just diploma I still put so much effort into it. So glad that my family and friends turned up. Nevertheless, I hope that I made my family proud. Amma this one's for you. You're the sole reason that kept me going throughout it all. I is sad because the picture quality all so bad my god 😕
Cheers to the end of the first sem that didn't feel like one. So much of assignment that required us to shoot, to act, to dance, to interview and even to sing. I still have so much of areas that I have to improve like my editing skills for video and also picture which I will use it in the long run. Now that I'm coming to an end towards my first semester and the entire year I hope that everything goes well 💪. My resolution for next year would be me stop doing things at the eleventh hour just like how I'm writing my blog when I have 4 papers to revise for 😑
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| My sister whispered to me that I'm next hence that reaction |
The only thing that I was excited about and looking forward to this year was my graduation. Although it is just diploma I still put so much effort into it. So glad that my family and friends turned up. Nevertheless, I hope that I made my family proud. Amma this one's for you. You're the sole reason that kept me going throughout it all. I is sad because the picture quality all so bad my god 😕
Cheers to the end of the first sem that didn't feel like one. So much of assignment that required us to shoot, to act, to dance, to interview and even to sing. I still have so much of areas that I have to improve like my editing skills for video and also picture which I will use it in the long run. Now that I'm coming to an end towards my first semester and the entire year I hope that everything goes well 💪. My resolution for next year would be me stop doing things at the eleventh hour just like how I'm writing my blog when I have 4 papers to revise for 😑
This year I learned that life doesn’t always go according to how we have planned it and that’s fine. I learned that things can go wrong even if you are so sure that it won't. I learned that there’s always going to be bad times but that just makes you appreciate the good ones so much more. I learned that no matter what, I am always loved by the people who are always by my side. I will never NEVER forget those who were with me in all my ups and downs. You guys are nothing but pure blessing to me 😇
This year has not been the best, but undoubtedly one of the most important year of my life so far. I’ve lost more than I could imagine but gained tenfold. I was demotivated, I was scared. I’ve lost myself so many times this year, trying to pick myself up slowly. I've cried a lot this year. I hope 2020 brings nothing but more blessings and opportunities to grow 🌈I pray for less drama, less pain, better mental and physical health and most importantly to be surrounded by all honest and genuine people who give the same positive energy I put because I'm so done dealing with fake snakes.
also to those who got gifts for me during my birthday and graduation thank you so much. All of those are something that I am fond of. Sayang y'allsss 💕 Thank you for making me feel alive when I myself feel dead inside.
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